I am the Sensual Genius- Zine edition 1

Codependency hurts us as individuals because it hurts our relationships with others. When we are operating from codependent patterns we form expectations of others that are unrealistic, and by doing so, we undermine our own personal agency.

A good way of knowing if you have a codependent expectation of someone is to ask yourself, would you want that person to have the same expectation of you?

Or to have similar expectations of you that would limit what you know to be your autonomy and individual freedom?

Is holding this expectation necessary for you to feel cared for in this relationship, or is the expectation based in a need you have created from a fear you might not want to or be able to acknowledge?

And if the other person expected the same of you, what would the consequences of this expectation be for your autonomy, and is this expectation your responsibility?

Often when we have a codependent bond with someone, we want them to always be there for us when we feel like we need them, but consider them clingy when we are feeling like we're more emotionally stable and balanced,

resulting in push pull dynamics and a lot of unprocessed hurt feelings.

Which are feelings the other person isn't accountable to help us resolve. This is just one dynamic that can play out in codependency.

We fall into codependent patterns when we are disconnected from our own sense of self worth, when we seek Approval from others rather than for who we know ourselves to be at our core.

And yet because we all want to be liked, and we all want for others to see our value, sometimes we tune our personal sense of self to the way other people are responding to us.

So much so that we sometimes bend our own version of authentic expression, thus permitting ourselves to maintain a facade to bridge a connection with another.

Being disconnected from our own authenticity happens more easily when we form sexual bonds with another person. For this reason we need to have a strong sense of self. When our sacral chakra energy is activated through sexual connection, if our feeling of belonging is tenuous we can be easily upset by a slight misunderstanding of our sexual partner's behaviour.

I am not saying we should tolerate behaviour that is clearly outside of the agreement two people have with one another about their relationship- it is clear that cheating, lying, lies of omission are all toxic to relationships.

But what happens is, we can begin to depend on, to rely on, the other person's perspective of who we are to maintain our own sense of well being. Sometimes we ask others to scaffold our own personal truth when this is really not their responsibility.

It's like we need them to mirror back to us how we want to be seen, when the other can never be in accord with our own personal truth 100% of the time.

If you meet someone who sometimes mirrors who you feel yourself to be in your heart at all you have found a remarkable relationship; don't mess it up by asking them to always be this for you.

When we love someone, it is our choice to love them, even in spite of their faults. I've never met a perfect person. The best way to heal relationship dynamics we don't like is to turn the focus back toourselves and change our perspective and our own behaviour.

People sometimes say, “love yourself first.” I feel that the thing is to like yourself. Build on your strengths, your good qualities. Then, let others find love for you for what you give to the world. Be your best in whatever way that is, so you allow your heart to shine. And let your shining heart draw in the love like a magnet.

I want to share with you how my internal relationship to co-dependent patterns has changed as a result of me doing sensual massage. Because doing this work has helped me sort out this dynamic in the practice of relating to others through their sacral chakra, (ie, pleasure, creativity, the expression of self in the world at large, desire, becoming self, the moment by moment who am I now)-

I realized I am the one person who can set the standard for how I am in the world.

Sensual massage is considered sex work. Because it is an unregulated industry, it is open to many different interpretations. What I do is not the same as a lot of other people in my field offer in terms of service(s)- everyone has different intentions for doing this work.

And, over the years I have found that certain boundaries are necessary for me to maintain so as to not yield my integrity. I also know that sexual interaction isn't necessary for a fulfilling sensual experience. It's about the heart connection.

And to generate a feeling of a strong heart connection to another person, who is often a complete stranger (unless they are a repeat client) I need to have a strong heart connection to myself.

This work has taught me the strength of personal agency. When I am able to be authentically myself, to know who I am and my value, it is an unassailable truth that projects outward from me without any assertion on my part.

Holding this truth in my heart space, I can be both fierce and gentle at the same time. Nothing is more powerful than the energy of unconditional love. But you have to find this love for yourself first.

(In my experience, unconditional self love is built on liking your experience of yourself. It is enjoying the way you express yourself in the world. It is respecting who you are when you interact with others. It is being kind, friendly, and caring about others- when you care about others, it becomes only natural you care about yourself).

The interesting thing about giving sensual massage is that two people, who are complete strangers to each other, can come together for this experience, and that it works.

We can have totally different perspectives, different interests, even different values to a certain degree. I don't need to know very much about the guy I am giving a massage to- all I need to know is that he has agreed to the terms of my service- that I will not have sex with him, kiss him, or give him a blow job.

There are many auxiliary services related to those I just listed that I also don't do but you could find with other sensual massage providers. Over the years I've been surprised at some of the things I've been asked if I do. But this is a whole other topic of conversation.. let's just leave it at, I have always been more interested in connecting heart to heart rather than in a sexual way with my clients. I believe that is where my value shines through.

Just as I was one provider amongst hundreds of other providers, I found that there were lots of guys who were looking for sensual massage services. All people are unique, we all have different needs, and different ways of being in the world.

How does a sensual massage provider know which potential clients to see and which to decline? When new potential clients would contact me, I quickly learned which to accept and which to ignore. I learned that when I respect myself, it is easy to know who will respect me.

People are all very different and yet so much the same. The core of what we want is happiness, but-our personal life experience, our connection to the truth of who we are, our ability to flow with what comes to us in any given moment determines how we connect with others.

I love to be with a person, and to sense into their desire to be known through interaction with another person, and then to ease them into that experience. I love to anticipate someone's desire. To be touched softly, or with more pressure, and to feel their body respond by yielding, softening and giving way to what is natural to all living beings. Which is the experience of grace as it is meant to be shared between us.

Tenderness flows through the anticipation of being seen and acknowledged without judgement.

For many years I've wanted to share my perspective on giving sensual massage, but I withheld myself for fear of being judged.

But I know what I do has value. I see many men, some of them in relationships but whose partners no longer want intimacy, some of them who just left relationships and are wanting to have an experience of intimacy of the heart. Some men are socially awkward and have a hard time meeting women.

Some men are confident and have an easy time meeting women but aren't in a relationship and they want a moment of connection with someone. Some men are really busy with work, and don't have time for a relationship but want warm and loving sensual touch and massage with a genuine emotional connection.

Sometimes I see men with very real trauma around intimacy, that they can't work out with talk therapy, and they need someone who can just be with them, without judgement or expectation.

I could go on, because there are so many variations on these themes. The essential point is, I believe all of these men deserve to have a nice connection, with no expectations on them other than that they respect my boundaries and pay me what I ask.

To really get to the heart of how I feel this work has helped me uncover and root out my co-dependent patterning, let me first explain how I began doing this work in the first place. Because it wasn't something I ever planned to do, or thought I had a natural aptitude for and that I should explore it.

In fact, the reason I started doing sensual massage was out of pure necessity.

I will admit I have always been more comfortable in unconventional situations, on the fringes of what is socially acceptable. Although to meet me, I might seem quite mild mannered and innocent, I tend to swim against the current.

In my mid thirties, I found myself a single parent, having just liberated myself from an abusive relationship. I don't see myself as a victim to this. I'm not including the fact this to gain sympathy, or to place blame for my situation on anyone. It's more to show the state of mind I was in. Because I realize it was my own co-dependent patterning that kept me stuck in this relationship.

It takes two. The reason I kept going back to him time and time again was because I thought I had what he needed to heal. I thought I could fix him; I thought I could rescue him from himself.

But I was never meant to be his saviour, just as he was not meant to be my oppressor. But all this to say, is that having left the relationship, I found myself in need of a lot of time and space to heal, and without a lot of mental capacity to focus on finding a job that would support myself and my kids.

I had also just finished my BA in psychology, and while I had planned to complete a Master's degree, my swimming against the stream presented endless challenges for me to find my place within institutionalized learning. I was exhausted from always trying to fit myself into places I didn't belong.

As luck would have it, I was living in a home with a large spacious basement in East Vancouver, Canada. At that time, many of the residents of homes with basements were cultivating one of British Columbia's most lucrative plants, marijuana. So I joined them! I grew weed in my basement for about a year and a half.

This gave me the time and freedom to tend to my outdoor garden. To lie in the sun and let the earth absorb the shock of my previous years of trauma. I played my guitar and sang my heart free in the sunny space of my kitchen, and danced to my favourite music around my living room. I made a stop motion film about my childhood relationship with my gramma who gave me unconditional love. I healed.

As times are always changing, this run of luck came to an end about a year and a half later when I had to move out because the house was sold to developers. And so I had to find a new home and a new source of income.

While I was out of the heaviest shock in my post abusive relationship phase, I still hadn't quite found my bearings and was definitely not ready to be in a position that added any more weight to my responsibilities as a single mom.

I found a job as an assistant to a textile creator, which I found less than satisfying. I was serving someone else's dreams and desires, while earning barely enough to keep me afloat financially.

Then one evening, as I was riding my bike home from work, I was hit by a car. This event shook me up physically and emotionally, and I really started to question where my life was headed. Was this my destiny? To be serving someone else's creative desires, while always putting my own creativity on the back burner? And to be earning so little that I didn't even have enough to go on a fun vacation with my kids once a year? No extras, just barely getting by. I knew I needed to make some changes.

I didn't want to go back to institutionalized education, because I knew myself enough to realize I am unable to fit myself into the appropriate container to earn the required degree that would bring me stability. I knew that at the end of my degree I still wouldn't have stability because when I did earn this degree I would not be happy or fulfilled in the subsequent profession.

But I also knew I had to do something. And I knew I had something to offer, although when I looked at the options I was familiar with, nothing seemed right for me. I was a funky shaped peg trying to fit into lots of different shaped holes, and the right hole was not clear to me.

To find it, I had to do something- but I had no idea what. Lucky for me, my parents had taken many chances in their lives on blind faith. So I followed their example, and relying on my inner instinct and trust in the knowing that my prayers are answered, I told my boss that I wanted to cut my hours in half. I didn't fully quit; that would come later.

But I decreased my work load, to free myself up to follow my dreams, even though I didn't fully know what they were.

I gave myself a couple of months to come up with a plan to supplement the income I would be losing from my decreased hours, but when the two months were up, I still had nothing.

So one night, I was with a few friends, and talking with them about my predicament. What was I going to do? I had bills, I had to feed my kids, and I had decreased my already small income. One of my friends said, why don't you do what this person (who, at the time, did sensual massage) does? She makes $180 an hour. I have a massage table you can use. And my other friend said, you can rent my apartment as a studio. And within a week, I had posted my first ad to do sensual massage.

That was a little over twelve years ago. It hasn't been an easy journey; although there are benefits to doing this work sometimes it does feel a bit weird to be on the edges of conventional society. And yet I still don't see a place for me within the confines of the conventional world.

I have tried other jobs over the years but I always come back to doing massage. The reason being is that when I do other things I just never feel like I am able to be of as much use as I am giving massage.

It is a particular skill set; I create an energetic bubble and fill it with love from my heart, to invite someone in and hold them in love- a love that does not surrender to their needs over mine, a love that does not yield to their desire for more intimacy than what I am comfortable to give. The reciprocity, in that they are also accountable to my happiness, is what grows both of us in the experience.

The skill I have found is--- being able to see someone for where they are at, and tenderly match their energy with my own authenticity.

This is the intimacy of true human moments, it is the intimacy of human to human connection. It is eye contact, it is listening with an open heart, it is being interested and caring. Really, truly caring.

Sex, or sexual interaction, devoid of authentic feeling has nothing on what I have found I am able to offer when I am being my true self. Truly fulfilling connections, for both men and women, happen when the individuals involved are able to be their authentic selves.

In contrast, when people feel like they need to be a certain way for others to like them- in a way, not showing their true self for fear that they will not be accepted- this inauthenticity creates an imbalance in the relationship dynamic.

When they dynamic between people, particularly in sexual interaction, is unstable, then the entire trajectory of interaction can quickly devolve into a projection of what each person thinks the other person wants, without being in tune with the subtle cues both people are exhibiting in their response to each other.

This kind of sexual interaction leaves everyone involved with a feeling of being unfulfilled, which then creates the mental craving for another sexual interaction with someone new.

Inauthentic expression of one's truth is one characteristic of codependent behaviour patterning. When we are authentic we don't try to be something we aren't to make others happy, and we don't mind if other people don't like our authentic expression. Being okay with who we are on the inside, in our own heart, gives us the strength and courage to be ourselves.

This is especially true when we are engaging in any kind of sensual connection. I have noticed that even to snuggle with friends, a closeness that isn't sexual, only feels natural when I am feeling like I can be myself. Closeness to another person requires a closeness to one's own inner self.

Even though I described my beginning of doing sensual massage to be kind of accidental, I also realize it was very serendipitous. Because this kind of work is exactly what I needed to advance spiritually.

Before I started doing massage, I was beginning to wonder about the connection between our spiritual nature and our sexuality.

~~~~~Consciousness, our path through this life, exposure to stimuli and the way we sort through all of it.. trials tribulations excitement and wonder.. why do some people long for more while others are content?~~~~~~

Are we essentially who we are at the time of our first breath? And how do our life experiences shape how we express ourselves throughout our life?

I remember when I was seven years old, my grandpa took me out to buy me a birthday gift. I am a child of the seventies, and in those days we had stores where you could choose a decal to put on a t-shirt. So my grandpa took me to create my own t-shirt. I chose a t-shirt decal that said,

“May you always have the freedom to be yourself”

Thinking about the irony of this now makes me laugh, because the place where I grew up had an atmosphere of everything but freedom. It was redneck, rigid and very conformist. Anyway, I still remember the first day I wore it to school. As a highly sensitive person, every single day at school was a challenge for me.

The school vibe made me tense as soon as I stepped on to the school bus each morning. And by the time I arrived at the school, I felt like I could barely breathe.

I remember sitting at my desk, and one of the cute popular girls came over and stood in front of me. “May you always have the freedom to be yourself” she read out loud in a slightly mocking tone. “Hmph,” she said, and walked away.

It's wonderful how these early imprints affect the way we respond to the world as we progress through our lives. I'm happy to have had all of these experiences in my early years, because I realize that without knowing how uncomfortable it is to not be able to express myself fully, I wouldn't have strived so hard to find ways to be able to be my authentic self.

Love is a strong component of most spiritual belief systems. My own interest in spirituality was sparked by a moment of strong desire to learn how to be in service to love in the most meaningful way for myself in this lifetime.

I still remember the moment clearly. I was 30, and had just watched the documentary movie Bowling for Columbine, directed by Michael Moore. For me this documentary inspired a moment of clarity, as I realized, there is nothing I can do for others that would be as meaningful as learning how to be in service to love.

I know this desire could have manifested many different ways of me learning how to love others, but I am also happy to have this experience, of being so intimately bound up in other's experience of happiness through physical pleasure.

When giving massage, I took my role in giving others this kind of happiness very seriously. My intention for them to feel happy through a sensual experience was for them to feel their own connection with divinity, in whatever path was in accord with their personal beliefs.

I wanted them to feel like magic was real, and that they deserved to be a witness to its becoming. I wanted them to feel strong in their faith that love is present and yet it requires nothing from them but to respond in kind. I wanted them to have pure moments of happiness.

(the inverse soliloquy, transverse to the moment of truth, under the guise of luminosity my awareness is always evolving and pulling old forms asunder)...

A map to the energy of massage- the chakras:

The root chakra is described as our grounding, and our connection to our physical place in the world as well as everything that accompanies this.

The sacral chakra responds to the world around us through relationship. The sacral chakra guides all of our relationships, but is particularly active in sexual relationships and how we express our creativity in the world.

How our sacral chakra is activated is registered in our solar plexus, so when we have a positive experience of our own authentic expression we feel empowered by this and are able to move in the world with a greater sense of integrity.

This integrity helps us value ourself and so in kind we respond to others through our heart chakra with more love and compassion. We forgive easier. We use our heart energy to be discerning rather than judging others. This affects our throat chakra in that we are able to express love easier, as well as expressing our emotions and boundaries with greater equanimity.

When we are able to discern our own inner personal truth, our third eye chakra is activated and we can sense others with a more loving perception, which then activates more harmony between ourselves and the love frequency of the universe, and our crown chakra begins to open and we become our fullest potential.

The sacral chakra = as the energy centre of sensuality, sexuality, relationships and our creative expression. I feel the sacral chakra energy as underpinning, a sort of gravity to the reservoir of inner truth. Like a miniature gong between our sexual urges and our gut instinct, the sacral chakra observes our inner dialogue with an eye toward our own authenticity.

The way I sense sexual urges is like a sonar, the way whales and dolphins communicate. Or like echolocation in bats. Sexual urges emit frequencies like a pulse, and when we find a match it is like getting a “hit” in our sacral chakra energy.

The information is coming from the outside, and connecting with our own inner energy centre. In contrast, our instincts are so deeply ingrained. Instead of calling them instincts, we might correctly identify this inner prompt as our karma.

We have karma with everything in our experience, but we have stronger karma with some things, some people, more than others. When we have strong karma with someone and then meet them in this life, we will feel a strong pull toward them. They could feel either an attraction or something else toward us, depending on their karma.

We always have a choice in how we respond to the way others feel about us. Ideally, we will move toward a more equanimous response to everyone, and in this way, create harmonious karma with everyone we meet.

As humans, we find the love in our hearts by learning how to express our authenticity. It's so uncomfortable to be someone we aren't. It's uncomfortable to repress aspects of ourselves that we feel express the real us, and for which we really want to be seen, known and valued.

Or to pretend to be someone we aren't so other people will like us. This can create a despondency for life which is like a spiritual death. Spiritually, we continue to strive for that feeling of connection.

Inside of this despondency, we know that our authentic self has value, and that it wants to be seen, but we don't know how to complete this energetic circuit between our inner energy centre of authentic creative expression, our sacral chakra, and the outer world we are relating to, including in relationship to other people.

Sometimes, this desire to be seen for who we really are creates the need to connect sexually with others, because at the energetic level we want to be held in a space of honour for our authenticity, which is the core energy of the sacral chakra, the seat of our sexual expression.

Over the years I have seen various aspects of this disconnection between one's perceived value and the lack of reciprocity for this value by others, showing up in many different ways but always leading to the man who doesn't feel valued wanting to feel seen by someone.

Caveat- some men look for connections outside of their relationships because they have deeper emotional issues and they aren't able to have vulnerable connections; this is not what I'm describing here.

Through sensual massage I found I could provide a space for others to find their own way to healing their sacral chakra. I offered authentic caring connection, and I valued others for their authentic self expression.

Because I wasn't asking for them to be anything in particular, one aspect of my massage my repeat clients valued was the open space where they could express who themselves.

Sexual expression is something so many people are a little apprehensive to talk about openly. It's like our own sexuality can be a bit daunting to look at, probably because these urges can become so strong that they make us do things that feel a little bit out of character.

Things that we might regret, and when we feel foolish about our actions we just set that behaviour apart from ourselves, feeling that if we don't look at it, it isn't a part of us.

This is why, sometimes, people need a space to be vulnerable and express who they are through sensual pleasure. A focus on the liminal between where they get caught in the everyday and the horizon to what they feel in their deepest passions.

Because what I offer to my clients rides right along the edge of sexual experience- it isn't fully sexual, but it also isn't something you could do out in the open, in plain sight.

Within the parameters of my boundaries, it is whatever my client needs to feel alive, to feel excited, to feel free to be their authentic self.

This is what a session with my clients looks like. Of course they are all different, but this is a general overview.

Most often I meet my clients at a studio I rent in a commercial building. Sometimes I go to a client's hotel room, or home. This makes some people nervous, when I tell them that I do this. But my safety is never in question. I never felt unsafe.

First of all, men are very transparent when it comes to their level of creepiness. It's like creepy guys don't actually have a filter; they think they are totally appropriate.

So I just don't answer creepy texts, and if a guy starts to sound creepy on the phone I hang up and block the number. Secondly, the services I offer in the way I offer them don't attract creepy guy attention. In the world of what I do, I am so vanilla. So clean.

I make sure guys who want to see me have watched the video I made to introduce myself, or have looked at my website, or both. In both of which I describe what I'm about. Which is what I'm going to share with you now.

So to start, I take off most of my clothes. A lot of people who find women attractive like how I look, and guys are very visually stimulated. And because I intend to take them on a spiritual journey, they need to be happily aroused, and feeling good.

It's interesting to me, that one of the aspects of this interaction that I have noticed over the years, is the feeling the guy has when he has been able to make this initial connection with me.

It's like a win for him, even before I have touched him. They often look at me like, yes. I've succeeded. Here she is. In my presence. Hurrah.

And of course the feeling of anticipation, which leads to the guy sometimes telling me that he respects my boundaries, and to please tell him if he steps over the line, and that I am very attractive.

And sometimes he will share an aspect of what I have said on my video or website that really resonated for him- that I value connection, or what I say about energy.

I will talk about these aspects of my massage in the next edition of my zine, when I discuss the history of sacred sex work and why I feel this work still- possibly now more than ever- has value in the world.

This feeling, the man's excitement, his anticipation, creates a vibe in the space around- this is what I have learned to connect with, and to amplify with my open hearted quest to be someone who he can connect to and feel stronger and more himself through the connection.

The energy this interaction between us creates is an underlying tone, almost imperceptible, but I feel it as a continuity that builds through the massage- the feeling of conquest and success, the feeling of personal agency to look after himself and his need for intimacy.

Masculine energy wants to make an impact, and to be valued for his contribution. If this vibe isn't set at the beginning of the session, if the guy feels weak or ineffective, the session will not go well at all.

The vibe I naturally emanate is helpful to this dynamic because I am very receptive and open hearted. I am the kind of person who trusts people implicitly, until they show me a reason to not trust them.

I want to love others, and I want to see reasons and opportunities to show them love; I'm not skeptical and defensive. Counter to this aspect of myself, doing this work has helped me to be more discerning and to see the red flags in people's behaviour patterns so I am able to stop interacting with them before anything happens that would put me at a disadvantage.

I'm grateful, because it's made me into a person who is still open hearted and loving, but now I have a deeper wisdom about human nature. I know some people don't respect love when it's close up to them. Sometimes you have to love by stopping the conversation, and ending the connection.

Back to what happens in a session. So, as I am taking off my clothes, the guy is also getting undressed. We chat while we are doing this, it's quite friendly and casual, I like to keep it light. Because the guy knows he won't be having sex with me, this act of undressing in front of each other has an interesting vibe; it's almost playful, and innocent.

Guys appreciate me, but also respect my boundaries. It's a fine thing to be in the presence of male energy that wants to honour the feminine in me. This dynamic allows me to be super sweet and caring, as well as receptive to the protective essence of male energy.

What I have noticed is, within interpersonal dynamics, we aren't always mindful of how the energy we show up in gives space for reciprocation for the other person to match us in kind.

Doing massage has really helped me to see this aspect of interpersonal relationships. When feminine energy softens and allows the masculine energy to be who they naturally tend to be, the masculine will take charge to create a sense of safety.

Usually clients will tell me that they are aware of what my boundaries are and to let them know if they do something to cross them, as a way of demonstrating they care about me being comfortable with them.

I've never had a client try to overpower me, to physically dominate me or make me do something I wasn't comfortable doing. Like I said before, I take precautions not to see clients who might do this, but I also feel that my energy simply won't allow it.

So when we are both undressed- I wear my panties, my client is nude- my client gets on the massage table and I begin to massage him. Doing this has really helped me feel into unconditional love.

From all the years of my experience doing this, I can massage any body, from sleek and muscular to old and hairy and overweight, and feel the same in either experience.

I'm good at giving massage, especially after all of these years. I really care about people, which is felt in my touch. Clients often say that my hands feel very loving, or that my touch is very sensual.

One time someone described me as a “sensual savant”, which I found to a sort of a hilarious way to describe my energy. But I am very sensual.

I attribute this to how much I care about people. I really do care. I remember my mom telling me when I was a child to not worry so much about others. But I can't stop caring about other people, and over the years the amount I care about others hasn't diminished.

I really want the guy on my massage table to feel good. I want him to feel like someone cares about him and his well being.

Sometimes I talk to them as I massage them. Sometimes I don't, because they don't seem like they want to talk. I feel it out. If I don't talk to them while I'm massaging them, I say mantras or prayers for them, and then just space out and let the energy flow through me.

I massage the back of his full body, and then ask him to roll over on to his front. Then I massage his chest, his temples, a bit of his face. I give him a hand job to finish the massage.

This is the part when the massage becomes more sensual. I smile at him. I be playful. I'm charming and flirty. It's a delicate dance; I'm open in my energy but not in my body.

I can be as playful as a one woman bra and panty tickle fight, but not give too much of my body over to him. I often let them touch me a bit, and the amount varies with each client.

Sensual touch feels good, and so I don't mind, but I draw the line at too sexual. And what I am good at is creating a vibe- the super playful receptive but still honouring my own body kind of vibe.

I am seductive without portraying myself as being tempted to go further. It's like through balancing the finesse of this energy I can amplify the guys sensual energy so he doesn't need to have sex to have an orgasm.

My experience with clients makes me realize how much people are mirrors for others. When I can hold a mirror of complete and unconditional love and acceptance for someone, I allow them to be aware of their own sensual energy.

Which is in essence their creative self, as our sensuality is very connected to our creativity. When I have a client who is disconnected from his sensuality, the transformation in his energy from the time he arrives to when he leaves is visible in his physical presence. Indeed, every guy leaves with an more confidence and vitality.

People glow up after having an experience of feeling the reflection of their own sensual energy. It is the experience of touch, closeness, intimacy, connection, and the delicate balance between my own energy and my acceptance of who they are showing me they are while being witness to their own subjective experience.

Because I am not judging them, I don't need them to be any particular way. I don't need them to be anything for me. From my side, all they need to do is feel what they are feeling and ride that high until they orgasm.

It's a powerful experience because the orgasm releases serotonin and dopamine in the brain, and so as they experience this alongside the vulnerability of showing up for who they are without any filter that says they need to be a certain way to make this relationship function, they can be transformed by their own experience of self.

An aspect of codependent relationships is that we operate from an implied mutual agreement which is-

that we share an understanding with the other person, and that within the relationship, neither person strays from this understanding.

When we first meet someone and begin to form a close friendship or a romantic connection, the tendency is to become bonded through shared experience and shared perspectives. The way we understand the world resonates with the other person, and we feel seen and known for who we are at a deep core level.

But if we make this feeling a condition for the success or failure of the relationship, and hold the other person to this conditionality, we don't give the relationship space to expand our personal definition of ourself, and to grow through our experience of being connected to another person with their own way of being in the world.

Relationships are such incredible opportunities to develop our hearts and our minds, as we find our inner capacity to be someone who loves and supports others. The relationships I value most in my life are the ones where others become a witness to my individuality, and my authentic expression.

No one can really ever understand who we are inside, and they aren't meant to understand us fully. This understanding is between us and whatever we know as our spiritual connection. All creativity is born in this space, between our vulnerable authentic truth as we access a divine awareness.

The space between our self and our connection to something greater than ourselves can never be perfectly known, but when we reach for the knowing of this with our unique perspective we access our most beautiful creative expression.

Love.

May you know all the ways love becomes joyful authenticity within you.